Adventures of Milo and Joey

Joey the Stool Pigeon

2012-01-01T19:42:00.002-06:00

This year's holiday trip included a visit to daddy's friend Greg who is in Lansing Correction Facility. I've tried to use the whole situation to explain to the boys the concept of prison and right and wrong, etc. While the boys don't actually come with us, I remind them that our friends are always our friends regardless of their current circumstances in life.

On our way back home... just after midnight on New Year's Eve... I got pulled over in some small stoplight-free town in Southern Oklahoma.

When the officer approached the car Joey yelled from the backseat "Hey Dad! Hey Dad! Tell that police officer man about your friend who's in jail!! Dad! Tell that police officer about your friend who's in jail!!"

"Twas the Morning Before Christmas... "

2011-12-24T11:10:00.002-06:00

not a creature was stirring....

Not Sure He Gets the Point...

2011-12-10T09:03:00.002-06:00

Here's a picture of Milo and Joey playing the childhood classic "Rock, Paper, Scissors."

Joey said "Milo, let's keep playing... but this time you have to be 'Rock.'"

Joey and the Dry Erase Board

2011-12-01T09:34:00.002-06:00

I got an e-mail from Irene titled "What joey wrote on my board this morning."

I took a deep breath... sipped some coffee... and was pleasantly surprised to see this -

Go to Bed, Joey

2011-10-16T14:13:00.002-06:00

After several failed attempts at bedtime, I learned that a simple verbal instruction wasn't going to work.

Milo Gets Older, They Stay the Same Age...

2011-10-12T19:01:00.002-06:00

Today Irene was driving home from school with the boys. As they drove by Anderson High School Milo said "Hey, check out those cute high school girls in those short shorts!"

Irene asked him "Where did you learn that?"

Personally I don't know why she bothered asking that...

"Kids Yell the Darndest Things at Total Strangers Across the Street"

2011-09-16T19:31:00.004-06:00

Milo, Joey and I walked home from the Sock Hop at Hill Elementary this evening. Don't panic, it was only a few blocks.

It's not uncommon for us to pretend zombies are chasing us to kill the time as we walk anywhere. Tonight was no exception. You probably won't find this written in any parenting manual, so don't bother looking.

About a block from our house was saw a woman walking on the other side of the street.

Breaking character... Joey shouted "Hey normal lady.... my brother thinks you're a zombie!"

Um.... yeah.... (click to enlarge)

2011-09-14T18:57:00.003-06:00

Armed & Dangerous

2011-09-03T21:47:00.007-06:00

The other day one of the gentlemen who serves on our HOA board stopped the boys and I as we were heading up the stairs. He said that his neighbors were moving out and had an assortment of items placed outside with a sign that said "Free." He added that there were a couple of Nerf swords available and he thought that the boys might want them.

As those words left his mouth he caught himself in what I describe as a 'self-registering PC assertion.' He paused and emphasized "That is... if you don't object to them playing with toy weapons." In doing so, he also realized that he had just baited two brothers with an opportunity to acquire "toys" that are designed explicitly for whacking the crap out of your sibling(s)... at no cost or obligation.

The boys did an about-face and ran down the stairs yelling "Toy Weapons!!! Toy Weapons!!!" The sorrowful look on his face as he realized what he had just unleashed was priceless.

So we picked up the swords and a couple of other things and headed back home.

Milo drew this little picture commemorating the first time Daddy got hit in the groin.

"A Beautiful Mind?"

2011-08-20T10:49:00.004-06:00

On the way to Joey's Kindergarten play date Milo gave him some advice on how to behave in class.

"Joey, you have to wait your turn to talk and you can't interrupt people."

Joey responded with "Milo, I don't want LONG words in my ears. I only want SHORT words!"

I think this might be a very long year.

Like Cosby Like Son

2011-07-31T19:19:00.003-06:00

So earlier this week when I picked up Milo at daycare I noticed a banner in the classroom that had all the kids' handprints in paint on it. All of them except for Milo's.

I asked Milo where his was and he said that he 'didn't feel like doing it.' We've had a few issues with group participation in the past and as a dad it's tough to find balance on how to address them.

I think one of the most enduring moments in TV history took place in the pilot episode of The Cosby Show when Theo and his dad were talking about his poor report card and the parents' expectations for his schoolwork. When young Theo asked 'I wouldn't love you any less if you weren't a doctor.... Maybe you can just accept me and love me for who I am anyway.' and Dr Huxtable responded with "Theo that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard! No wonder you get D's in everything!"

So... once again I tried to put my own spin on something and ended up with a lesson for both Milo and I.

I said to Milo, "You know.. there will always be things in school that your teacher asks you to do that you might not want to do. It's important that you do them anyway... because do you know what happens if you don't do what your teacher tells you to do? You'll be a dumbass!"

Thankfully, Milo agreed that he didn't want to be a dumbass.

I tried to drive the point home further by saying "What if I didn't feel like being a dad anymore? And didn't feel like making sure you had food and clothes and toys and a home. What would happen then?"

Milo's response.... "You'd be dumbass?"

While we still have to work on consequences... at least he was paying attention.

Phun with Photo Booth

2011-07-18T16:24:00.002-06:00

Well, at least this explained all the ruckus I heard by the computer...

Now He Tells Me....

2011-07-10T18:12:00.002-06:00

So the other night while we were waiting for The Muppet Movie to start at the drive-in Milo made the following statement:

"Dad, if you hadn't married Mom you could have married that hot chick..."

I do love Irene a lot... especially her sense of humor and forgiveness.

Awful Falafel

2011-07-01T10:36:00.001-06:00

So the other night we prepared pizza for the boys while Irene and I enjoyed some falafel. We've learned the hard way that it's best to have a backup dinner for them when trying anything non-traditional.

Milo was intriqued by the falafel. We told him it looked like a meatball but it was green on the inside.

He was brave enough for one bite... but the immediate reaction on his face was priceless. His only response was "Yeah, don't do that again!" while spitting the one bite into the sink.

I do have to give him props for at least trying something new. That may be our new rule... if you try it and don't like it, you can make all derrogatory comments about it that you want. Deal?

The Most Narcissistic Thank You Note Ever

2011-06-25T17:23:00.002-06:00

A week has passed since Joey's Birthday and we felt it was time for him to crank out some "Thank You" cards.

Using the same M.O. as we have in place for his apology letters Irene wrote out the words "Thank You! Love, Joey" on a piece of paper that Joey could follow.

Joey said "No, this will take too long! I just write this..."

His penned script - "You! Love, Joey"

The Girls Next Door... to Joey

2011-06-04T10:23:00.009-06:00

The following conversation took place between Joey and one of our more attractive female neighbors -

JOEY: "I saw a guy running with his shirt off."
NEIGHBOR: "That's nice.'
JOEY: "Can you take your shirt off?"

You know... one of these days that trick just might work and I hope I'm around when it does!

A Gentleman and a Scholar

2011-06-04T10:12:00.003-06:00

Here's Joey's Kindergarten graduation pic. His class did a little performance. Joey was there... in spirit I suppose....

Coolest Self-Portrait Ever

2011-05-21T11:51:00.002-06:00

Just sayin...

Worst. Pick-Up Line. Ever.

2011-05-20T19:46:00.001-06:00

On a daily basis, Joey pats my (Irene) tummy, lovingly, and states: "You didn't eat a baby, you just ate a lot of food."

Geez, kid- Off to the gym I go!

The Most Prepared Kid in Kindergarten

2011-05-07T15:46:00.003-06:00

Joey's Kindergarten enrollment was this week.

One of the comments a high school secretary shared with my step mother was "Mark's not bad. He is ornery. It's like you can see the gears turning in his head."

I believe that description has been captured in this pic of Joey taken moments after we arrived.

Family Fun (Fright) Fest

2011-04-17T19:54:00.002-06:00

Today we went to the Clarksville Family Fun Fest. There were booths for food and jewelry, face painting, animal contests, etc. There are two things that we learned today...

1. Joey is terribly afraid of clowns- even the ones that *barely* resemble clowns.

2. Joey is also terrified of skeleton face painting, as see in photo of Milo with the makeup. Joey would scream, cry and hide behind me to avoid looking at his big brother. Eventually, he chilled out a bit, but it took some time.

Well, there are actually three things learned today... Milo looks really, really good with black eyeliner... it brings out the hazel in his eyes. (I couldn't get all the makeup off in one pass, so he was stuck with eyeliner most of the night.) I know he liked the attention, and I suddenly wondered if he'd go through a "Cure" phase in high school... ah... one can only hope...!

Mission Impossible

2011-04-13T09:34:00.003-06:00

Here's Joey serving as my covert distraction while doing field research for Subway!

Mad Men Milo-style

2011-04-12T09:48:00.001-06:00

Sunday night I was working on 4th Quarter ratings estimates for Nashville.*

Milo came up and asked if he could help... So I explained what I was doing and told him that there is a person like me who does the same thing to make sure he sees a Happy Meal commercial and so he knows which toy they are offering and how many times he and Joey have to bug me to get one.

His response - "Dad... you have the coolest job in the world!"

*In layman's terms, I was trying to figure how many people might watch a particular TV show based on current trends and past performance so I can determine the value of said program as an advertiser.

"Milo was born a poor brown child"

2011-04-03T11:53:00.002-06:00

Well, he hasn't got that particular quote right... but he's doing well with "The Lord loves a working man and don't trust whitey."

Yes.. Milo and I watched 'The Jerk' last night...

Like Grandpa, Like Grandson

2011-04-02T09:11:00.007-06:00

According to Milo - "Justin Beiber is not a girl but he sings girl songs."

Kinda reminds me of when my old man thought Vince Neil was a girl.

What do you think?

Check... please

2011-03-28T18:23:00.003-06:00

We thought we'd try a different place to eat on Sunday night. After all, we had a pretty big weekend with the Cap 10k and all. And when you drive by a place that says "kids eat free" it doesn't take much else to consider giving it a try.

After the boys had finished coloring on the little outlined distractions I offered up my napkin for Milo to continue drawing.

So this is what Milo drew... and he described it as "A happy face on a butt."

Jr Dillo Family Fun Run

2011-03-28T18:12:00.003-06:00

This was Milo's 2nd year for the run. He and Mommy had a blast and Milo earned another patch.

Poor Joey... either his heart wasn't into it or perhaps he just scared... but he just absolutely refused to run. We made it about 100 feet before we had to throw in the towel. I think the crowd might have been a bit much for the little guy. A learning experience for both of us I suppose.

Thinking Joey

2011-03-26T13:18:00.003-06:00

To interperet Joey's expression in this photo correctly, one needs to understand that this image marks the exact moment Joey figured out that sometimes I put things up out of his reach for a specific reason.

"For the tiiiiimes they are a-changin"

2011-03-12T14:15:00.002-06:00

March 12, 2011.

Meet young Joey Good... not even 5 years-old yet. Too young to be drafted. Too young for Kindergarten. But today he's standing up as a voice for us all. A voice that's saying to our government "Now is NOT the time make cuts in education. Now is NOT the time lay-off dedicated teachers and close schools. Now is NOT the time to sell his future short."

If Joey is ready to stand up for his own future... are you ready to stand up with him?

Let's face it folks... he may occasionally pick his nose, wet the bed, and ask for 'muh-kabplable' syrup for his pancakes... but he and children just like him will grow up to lead the world someday. We need to give them all the help we can!

Best Excuse Ever

2011-03-10T20:18:00.003-06:00

The boys were alone in the bathroom. Joey starts wailing. When we asked why Joey was crying Milo responded...

"I forgot NOT to hit him"

The Crying Game - Kindergarten Edition

2011-03-08T21:24:00.002-06:00

While some fathers may shutter at the sight of their first-born male child in a dress... I thought Milo looked FAB-U-LOUS!

Duh, Mom...

2011-03-06T19:09:00.003-06:00

This evening's bath for Joey was rather dull, until he proceeded to smear poop on the bathtub's wall.

Mom: Joey! Wh-Why-Wh-WHERE did this poop come from?!@

Joey: (Duh)... From my butt!

Mom: Ewwwww!

And this is how I learned the culprit of the poop-without-toilet-paper-in-the-toilet was, indeed, Joey's. Boys are so gross.

Milo's Last Supper

2011-02-27T17:36:00.002-06:00

We try to make Sunday night's dinner a little nicer than the rest of the week and we try to make sure we get some quality time in as a family.

I asked Milo what he thought we should have for dinner tonight. He responded with... "Why don't you make something good this time?"

I See...Two Bad Moons A-rising???

2011-02-15T19:39:00.004-06:00

I couldn't tell this story any better than Joey's poor teacher already did...

Winter Wonderland

2011-02-04T11:46:00.003-06:00

Ok, so this is pretty rare for Austin. We actually even had a 'snow day' at school. When Milo woke up at 6:30 and I told him that he didn't have to go to school because of the snow he said "This is going to be the best day EVER!"

He was right!

"What's the Frequency, Joey?"

2011-01-30T11:47:00.009-06:00

Finding remnants of those little 'hasp' things found on the more refined DVD cases led me to believe Joey was involved.

He admitted to the crime and apologized. Praising his honesty instead of punishing him for the damage seemed more fitting for this case. Hell, it worked for Washington right?

I reminded him that this is an example of why we don't tear up things AND that his little nose-pickers shouldn't be touching DVD cases in the first place.

His response - "Daddy, I just ate my toenail!"

My friends are gonna be there too....

2011-01-29T10:47:00.007-06:00

As the credits were rolling on Iron Man 2, the euphoric sounds of AC/DC's "Highway to Hell" emanated from the TV speakers.

Hearing Joey sign along with the chorus was both comical... and in many degrees represented a rite of passage in the same way a father teaches a son to throw a football, shave, or scope out some hotties. After all, I couldn't have been much older than Joey when I first heard the song.

After listening closer... I realized that Joey was actually singing "Highway to Help"

So he missed it by a letter. I'm sure Bon Scott would still be proud!

Lesson from Daddy #47

2011-01-15T12:15:00.002-06:00

Milo my son... when you fall asleep at night while still in your regular clothes... you still have to change into new clothes before being able to consider yourself "dressed" for the next day.

Daddy learned that back in the radio days ;-)

Smooth Up Peanut!

2011-01-15T10:50:00.004-06:00

Thursday night was pretty awesome -

While waiting for Mommy as she dashed into the grocery store the boys staged an impromptu air concert in the back of the Honda with Milo on air drums and Joey rocking a left-handed air guitar... all to the tune of the Bulletboys 1988 hit "Smooth Up In Ya." Their version sounded more like "Smooth Up Peanut."

No photos were available... but here's the actual song if you want to listen -

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ziL2FyIg1_I

Hug Fight!

2011-01-11T06:54:00.002-06:00

The boys got up extra early this morning... I'm not exactly sure why but it certainly was a blessing as they were both dressed and ready for school a good 30 minutes before we have to leave.

So as we sat on the couch and were enjoying some Nick Jr Milo spontaneously jumped on my lap and yelled "Hug Fight" and gave me a big hug. Joey was quick to emulate this new game.

Some days it feels really good to be a dad...

"Hey Daddy, come look at these big balls!"

2011-01-08T21:49:00.002-06:00

When I turned around I was so glad this is what he was talking about...

All I Want For New Year's is...

2010-12-31T19:34:00.003-06:00

One of Milo's bottom teeth has been loose for awhile. Well, this morning during his usual bowl of Fruit Loops (aka Monkey Cereal) he finally lost it - marking a bit milestone for the little guy.

Milo asked us if the tooth fairy was 'hot' and I said "Sometimes... but other times she looks like a big bald dude in an Iron Maiden T-shirt."

Be All That You Can Be?

2010-12-28T22:09:00.003-06:00

This year, I'm proud to say that Milo verbally confirmed that his favorite toy this Christmas was his old school plastic Army men. It was something I remembered at the last minute while at {neighborhood drug store chain} on Christmas Eve. A $4 stocking stuffer got the biggest smile ;-)

So tonight I picked up all the little plastic men and their assorted tanks, flags, barricades, and concertina wire - also being made of plastic... fortunately.. I was reminded of the past Christmas Day with my mother about my fond memories from childhood when my father got down on his hands and knees and picked up all my toys after a hard days play... Whoa... can't believe I kept that stream of bs going that long.

Anyway, with Milo's pieces each strategically set I told him that it was time for bed and that he needed to pick up his Army guys. His response showed a real 'gung ho' attitude-

"Um... that's ok Dad. You can play with them if you want."

"I'm Just a Sweet... "

2010-12-21T07:21:00.003-06:00

Yesterday Joey had an accident at school. For some reason, we had failed to make sure he had a pair of backup pants in his backpack. Loaner pants from school are always a crapshoot - no pun intended... and most likely gender opposite. So Joey ended up wearing home a pair of girls' track pants.

I asked him what it was like to wear girls pants and he replied, ever so sly...

"It was nice!"

The Perfect Chair

2010-12-18T09:02:00.002-06:00

For when you're staying up after bedtime to watch Despicable Me with your old man...

Hoey Hoey Joey!

2010-12-18T08:59:00.003-06:00

Just a pic of Joey at his school's Christmas program. Earlier in the week he told me that they were singing 'Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer' and "all the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names... and that's not very nice..."

Worst Knock-Knock Joke Ever...

2010-11-30T22:53:00.001-06:00

Milo: Knock Knock...

(silence)

Milo:You have to say 'Who's there?'

(silence)

Joey: "Uhh... I'm Joey!"

Joey Good, TV Personality

2010-11-20T11:59:00.004-06:00

Here's the link to Joey's KVUE interview, regarding Turkey Calling... the photo on the left is from the petting zoo at the Hill Elementary Carnival this year... Joey's got a thing for feathered friends!

http://www.kvue.com/video?id=108503439&sec=551407

Here's the extended interview of cooking tips from the preschoolers. Joey shows us that over-indulging can lead to throwing up (we're so proud!).

http://www.kvue.com/news/Turkey-tips-from-preschoolers-110691714.html

Toy Story Mountain

2010-11-08T19:30:00.002-06:00

Tonight Joey put a bandana on me and called me "Woody the Cowgirl"...

I told him... "That's right Joey... all cowboys are girls and don't you forget it. That's why I made you watch Brokeback Mountain!"

Hide & Tell?

2010-11-07T20:27:00.003-06:00

Note to self...

When playing Hide & Seek, it's best not to announce your intentions by saying "I'm going to hide behind this rock!"

Just How Much of a Bad Ass is Milo?

2010-10-29T19:37:00.001-06:00

So bad ass that he opted to put a fake dragon tattoo on his neck!

Milo P. Keaton

2010-10-25T18:40:00.003-06:00

Here's our handsome kindergarten student at his dapper best... He picked out the outfit, one of several dress-shirt-and-tie ensembles.

So cute!

???

2010-10-18T05:42:00.002-06:00

Milo must have been deep into a dream this morning. As I woke him up he mumbled "We have to steal the diamond."

Not sure what he was dreaming about... or if he would have to kill me if he told me ;-)

Joey's Awesome New Heavy Metal Stitches!

2010-10-16T13:02:00.002-06:00

The ultimate in body piercing and modification!

Listen up all you hipster wanna-bees.... this will be the next big thing!

All you have to do to get yours is have your older brother shove you into the protruding corner of a wall while fighting over who got to pet the damn cat first after a wonderful evening that included getting to go out for hamburgers and pizza with your Grandpa Jack!

He's Just A Skater Boy...

2010-10-13T22:55:00.002-06:00

Today Milo asked if he could ride his skateboard to the mailbox. He was doing ok until the halfway point... then one of the wheels snagged an acorn and Milo got his first case of skater rash. Well, there were a few tears.... but then he got excited about the possibility of a future scar that chicks will dig...

Imagine if you dare....

2010-10-09T09:55:00.002-06:00

the soul-crushing disappointment when you realize that you misheard your old man and thought a trip to the hardware store was really a trip to the "Hot Wheels" store.... Sorry Joey ;-(

Joey, an ice cream cone, and the Laws of Fluid Dynamics

2010-10-02T20:48:00.003-06:00

Joey hasn't quite mastered the full concept behind eating an ice cream cone. Specifically, that one should consider not eating the cone on vertical plane to avoid drippage.

Happy Birthday, Little Gentleman!

2010-09-11T20:54:00.003-06:00

Six years ago today, a little boy named Milo popped into the world. It was the day of the baby shower, so family was in town- however, as he was six weeks early, he was in the NICU for 9 days.

It's been one interesting ride in parenting Young Master Milo. One that I feel privileged to be a part of. Thank you, sweet boy!

Milo Makes the Dean's List!

2010-09-10T16:16:00.003-06:00

Ok, so not exactly the Dean's List.. but he got a special note from his Principal today and we couldn't be more proud of him!

Joey Jedi Mind Trick

2010-09-07T18:30:00.002-06:00

This afternoon I walked by our guest bathroom and see Joey standing on counter playing with cups of water. Although this probably isn't the safest thing he could be doing, at least he wasn't bothering the cat.

A few minutes later I hear the sound of water dripping on the tile floor. I walked back and found Joey standing outside the bathroom. Before I could ask him with the heck he was doing he channeled his Jedi powers and said...

"Everything is OK in here."

Translate that to "These aren't the droids you're looking for" and you've got yourself a Star Wars scene re-enactment.

Worthy of Display

2010-09-06T10:33:00.003-06:00

Here is a quick photo of the boys' artwork, collected by Mark over a good chunk of time. The kids love seeing their work, and it adds nice color to the room...

Life Imitates "Art"

2010-09-05T18:55:00.004-06:00

Remember the scene in the first Austin Powers movie, when Powers is defrosting and begins to randomly talk? His voice gets loud, then soft, then he makes a comment about "not being able to control the volume of my voice!"

Well, that, my friends, is Joey. Sure, he's cute and all, but get him talking and it's like...

"YELLOW AND BLUE hot wheels CARS MAKE green hot WHEELS car!"

"I want a POPSICLE that IS BLUE. NO, I want a popsicle THAT'S YELLOW!"

"I DON'T want to GO into MY ROOM!"

There's no volume control on this kid, no matter how we phrase it, beg it, or lament it...!

Milo's first week of school

2010-08-28T10:57:00.002-06:00

Milo's first week of school had some ups and downs. We're still getting used to sitting still and listening to our new teacher. On the plus side, he's enjoying art and gym class... and as you might expect... recess.

Here's hoping next week gets easier. Hang in there lil' dude... only 16 more years to get your Bachelor's Degree!

Progress

2010-08-22T19:23:00.002-06:00

Daddy: "Joey, get back into bed!"

Joey: "No thank you stupid Daddy."

Well, at least there was a 'thank you' embedded in there.

Milo Good, Man of Intrigue

2010-08-20T12:43:00.002-06:00

Today was a special visitation day at Milo's new elementary school. We got to meet his teacher and see his classroom. We also got a chance to get a head start on making some new friends.

While we were out on the playground, a little girl went up to Milo and asked "What's your name?"

Milo switched to clandestine mode and responded "I'm the guy who's always playing on these bars."

Kung Fu Joey!

2010-08-19T16:46:00.002-06:00

Well, today Joey earned his Yellow Stripe belt. Good news is that I got to go see the ceremony. Bad news... Poor Joey got shy and didn't want to participate.

The kids did their little exercises and I even joined in on the push ups hoping that Joey would follow suit. But no...

At the end Ms Jessica gave Joey his belt anyway. She said that Joey is usually very active in class and is a good jumper. But she also said that most times he just runs up and kisses her.

He gets that from me...

This is how far we were from the car when....

2010-08-14T14:51:00.003-06:00

Milo complained "We've been walking for days already!!!"

Goin' to the Chapel...

2010-08-12T19:22:00.002-06:00

So, here is a photo of Milo this week, who is dressed for his upcoming wedding to Jessie (cute girl from school). He was very, very insistent to have a shirt and tie for the occasion (and that's not all that easy to locate, we discovered).

Milo was the fashion hit at school on Monday, quite the charmer. The wedding is going to be "in 12 days" and now "I need another shirt with a tie, and Grandma's going to get me more shirts with ties because I love her." Awww...

More Joey Etiquette

2010-08-06T18:15:00.003-06:00

This evening Master Joey excused himself from the dinner table like a proper gentleman.

When he returned he proudly announced...

"I went potty and I blew bubbles in my potty and I spit!"

Pass the Buck... and the Ketchup!

2010-08-04T17:48:00.003-06:00

Ok.. so it was the old school restaurant trick where you put the near-empty ketchup bottle upside down and on top of a new one so you can let gravity help you get the last few drops of zesty tomato goodness...

I stepped away from the kitchen for a minute and in my absence Joey knocked the bottles over.

I grabbed a towel and cleaned it up. Then I said "Joey??"

Joey looked up at his old man and said "You did it!"

It's the lying that hurts so much... .

Big Turkey Feet

2010-08-01T12:50:00.003-06:00

One of the perks of working at an ad agency is... Big Turkey Feet!

Official Business

2010-08-01T07:51:00.003-06:00

Yesterday, Milo got his first official haircut. No more shaving his head in the bathtub (though we're continuing that tradition with Joey). Nope, Milo was a trooper- didn't say a thing or barely even move in the chair during the cut. I was so proud of him! He lost some curls in the process, but still has a little shag going on. Way to go, Little Dude!

Don't Move Dirtbag!

2010-07-28T20:32:00.003-06:00

Ok, so by now Police Academy is probably a right of passage for most people.

Tonight Milo got his first sample of Michael Winslow sound effects. Hearing him belly laugh out loud was hilarious!

He also laughed pretty hard at Mahoney's response "Meeting women sir!" when he was hitting on Kim Cattrall - ha!

Literal Joey

2010-07-25T19:13:00.002-06:00

It was your basic fight scene. I'm in the other room and I hear a scuffle and then Joey crying.

Joey then proceeded to walk in... still crying.. and said "Milo hit me!"

"Where did he hit you Joey?" I asked.

Joey then punched himself in the nose and said "Right here!!"

Phun with Phonics!

2010-07-19T21:24:00.002-06:00

Tonight's bedtime was delayed a bit. When I went into the boys' room to issue an ultimatum I noticed that Milo had written "MO" on his headboard.

I asked him what "MO" was and he said "No... No is spelled 'm'.. 'o.'

I corrected him and by saying that 'No' started with an 'N'. Then I asked what else started with an 'N'...

"Nathan!" yelled Joey

"Yes Joey, Nathan starts with N" I replied.

"Naked!" yelled Milo

"Yes Milo, Naked starts with N."

At this point Joey yelled "...'N' the butt!!"

And that, my friends... is about the funniest damn thing I've heard in months!

Milo Good to Answer to Bribery and Corruption Charges

2010-07-18T12:42:00.003-06:00

So last night mommy was baby-sitting and it was just the boys and I at home. I let them stay up a little later... something that Milo has already been pushing the limits on as is.

We've instituted a reward-system where each night he goes to bed (and keeps his little 5 year-old ass IN bed) he gets a sticker. Results so far on the success of this program are inconclusive at best. We had to forgive one night as an ambulance showed up at the neighbors after bedtime and it's hard to keep them down with lights and sirens going on.

However, last night as a new one...

Milo came up to me holding a nickel and said "Dad... if you don't tell mom I'm out of bed you can have this shiny nickel! How does that sound?"

So... while we withheld his sticker on principal, I did have to give him another one based on chutzpa!

Not many group photos of us....

2010-07-17T21:49:00.002-06:00

Just a Saturday afternoon in July at the pool.

Joey's Needs

2010-07-14T20:23:00.002-06:00

Joey needs a lot of things. Specifically, things he can't have... things we've told him not to touch... things we've said were not his... and often things that I am currently using.

"I NEED a piece of candy! I NEED to watch cartoons! I NEED a soda!"

This morning Joey saw me digging through our change jar and said...

"Daddy... I NEED a jar of monies!"

Gospel of Matthew 10:34

2010-07-14T20:11:00.002-06:00

Yes, we seem to be on a roll with the bible quotes lately.

The other day Milo and Joey were wrestling around. Joey had taken the little pewter cross we have on the bookshelf and started using it as a weapon. Milo shouted - "Dad! Joey's hitting me with the sword of God!"

Is Joey litterbox trained?

2010-07-11T14:38:00.002-06:00

Or is Daddy just hoping Joey's curiosity is satisfied before the cat starts using the litterbox for its intended purpose?

Joey Good: Movie Critic

2010-06-29T07:53:00.002-06:00

This past weekend we saw Toy Story 3. This morning I asked Joey if he told his teacher about it. The conversation went something like this...

Daddy: "Joey, did you tell Ms Rhonda about Toy Story 3"

Joey: "Toy Story 3... Ummm.. Pigs can talk!!!!"

Our Father, Who Art in.... yawn....

2010-06-27T10:49:00.002-06:00

Today when the boys came home from Sunday School I asked Milo how it was. His un-edited response...

"It was BORING. They were reading a story from the Bible and it was taking too much long!"

Yep... Yep indeed....

"Don't trust anyone over six!"

2010-06-24T10:45:00.003-06:00

I'm starting to think that Milo's curly shag hair is causing him to channel Abbie Hoffman.

This morning he came up to me and said "Dad... do you know why cops are so fat? Because they eat too many donuts!"

"I wanna go to crab festival!"

2010-06-19T13:58:00.002-06:00

shouted Joey as he and Milo sped through the grocery store in their race car shopping cart.

I had no idea what he was talking about until I remembered our lobster friends in the corner.

Way to go Red Lobster marketing team!

Opening presents - Joey style

2010-06-13T14:51:00.002-06:00

Today Auntie Barbara and Dylan came over for a quick little get together for Joey's Birthday.

We all were in the living room and ask Joey if he wanted to open his presents. So we had their birthday offerings along with some gifts sent by Grandma Cindy, Grandpa Jack, and Aunt Elisa all ready for pillaging... when Joey said "Wait!!"

Then, with much animation... he began waving his arms and said very loud "We need the birthday cake and the candles and the fire! (pronounced "pire").

Joey always insists that things are done in a certain way. Wonder where he gets that?

In Search of Milo...

2010-06-13T14:36:00.003-06:00

Yesterday's birthday trip to Schlitterbahn for Joey ended with our first real "lost child" experience.

Daddy had trekked back to the locker area to get our possessions while the boys were enjoying a pirate ship water slide. Mommy and our friend Stephanie were keeping an eye out.

When I returned we couldn't locate Milo at all. We spent at least twenty minutes walking around the area trying to spot him and struck out. Irene finally went to the customer service area and asked "Has anyone reported a los.... "

She got about that much out before the woman at the counter stepped to the side to expose Milo sitting and eating a sandwich and a cookie. He apparently had time to color a picture too.

Based on the pieced-together testimony of a 5 year old.. he got hungry and forgot where we were so he went up to a 'lady' and said "I'm hungry." Further testimony included such facts as: he did tell them that he couldn't find mommy and daddy; he told the lady his name AND mommy and daddy's names; and that they offered him a pickle but he didn't eat it.

He later confessed that he did get a little scared and cried a little, but all-in-all... we ended up in good shape I'm thankful that he's learned what to do if he can't find us.

Whew... Aside from that - still a great Birthday excursion for Joey!

I knew the answer to this...

2010-06-07T19:19:00.002-06:00

I stepped out of the shower to find Joey standing right by the door. The following conversation ensued...

Daddy: Joey, why are you out of bed?

Joey: Milo call me stupid!

Daddy: Joey, why is your shirt on backwards?

Joey: Because I NEED it on backwards!

Joey's Not-So-Surprise Birthday

2010-06-07T14:07:00.004-06:00

This year we're celebrating Joey's birthday with another trip to Schlitterbahn.

I had a few presents ordered that I ordered from Amazon hidden under my desk. Bad thing.. I forgot about them and when Milo came to the office with me on Sunday he found them in about two seconds.

He actually understood the fact that they were Joey's presents fairly well. However... understanding why Joey wasn't getting them today was another story.

On our way out he kept asking me "Are you going to give Joey his present? Then we can both play!"

I told him that we had to wait until next Monday and in the meantime we were going to hide them in the trunk of Mommy's bug car (VW Beetle).

When we got home I went to the kitchen to crack open a Diet Coke and I heard the front door open and Milo say "Hurry Joey... there's a Spiderman truck for you in the back of mommy's car!"

I Hope That Was a Pop Tart

2010-06-04T15:12:00.004-06:00

Today's breakfast had an unusual twist. Joey was enjoying some sort of fudge-filled pop tart pastry. When I saw him walking to his room I noticed a smudge near his ankle that was.... well... brown, dry, and crusty.

I said "Oh my God... Joey, what the hell is on your ankle? Is it poop?"

"Nah... " he said confidently, "It's pop tart!" Then he twisted around almost trying to moon me and pointed to his little behind with his thumb and said "Poop is in my butt!"

A Gentleman and a Scholar...

2010-05-21T19:33:00.005-06:00

Milo's Pre-K graduation was today. His class did a little skit from "Where the Wild Things Are" and Milo played a tree.

We are so proud of the little guy... he can be shy sometimes but he made it through the whole ceremony without any trouble at all.

With him being a tree... it reminded me of a song by Guided by Voices. I think it is very fitting for this moment in our little guy's life.

"I am a tree, I show my age when I don't cry.
I have the leaves that will fall off when wind blows by.
Don't strip off my bark - I have been stripped of it before.
Yesterday's gone and tomorrow has so much more in store."

Here's the actual song if you'd like to check it out.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZV1fPyh53Ik

A Game Only Boys Could Enjoy...

2010-05-20T18:35:00.003-06:00

Mommy had to go to a meeting tonight... so this new game we made up is called 'Laundry Basket Rodeo'

You really can't see from the pic, but Joey is under the basket and kicking up. Milo was just trying to stay of for 8 seconds.

Good times had by all... and certainly much more humane than an actual rodeo.

"Joey, don't brush your penis with your toothbrush!"

2010-05-09T07:44:00.004-06:00

This was an actual quote from Mommy at 8:40am on Sunday, May 9th (Mother's Day.)

This is just one of the wonderful bits of advice Irene shares with our boys to make their lives better every day.

Happy Mother's Day Irene and to all the Mother's out there in the world!

Milo Good, Motivational Speaker

2010-05-05T22:24:00.002-06:00

Tonight Milo asked me the following question...

"Dad, when I was in Mommy's tummy, was she as fat as you?"

Well... so much for the last 18 months of running....

See You Next Saturday Carl...

2010-04-30T17:13:00.004-06:00

Today Milo and I attended a Kindergarten playdate at the elementary school he'll be attending this fall.

Those of you who know Milo are aware that he can be a little shy. It didn't help that I woke him up from a near comatose nap at daycare to take him there. He did warm up after awhile.

After about an hour of playing we determined that the school was pretty cool but there were a low number of hot moms.

Aside from that, the afternoon was filled with flashbacks from all the fun I had at school... and all the trouble we got in for most of it.

I can't believe it's almost time to send him off to school. He may be ready, but I'm not so sure about his old man.

Milo - Music Critic 2.0

2010-04-23T11:55:00.003-06:00

On the way to school today we were listening to Type O Negative's "October Rust" album. YES... I know Type O Negative is not exactly the most kid-friendly choice in music... but that particular album is probably the least objectionable. Besides... Daddy is still mourning the loss of one of his favorite musicians. ;-(

Milo's comment about the song "In Praise of Bacchus" was "Dad, I like this song. First it is low... then it's rock & roll."

Anyone familiar with Type O can probably agree that Milo summed up the band's 20 year career in a single sentence.

Joey Assaulted by Inanimate Object

2010-04-23T11:49:00.002-06:00

So the toy of the week in Happy Meals seems to be a variety of leftovers from recent Dreamworks movies. One of the ones we got this week was a plastic Po figure from Kung Fu Panda.

Well, Joey was flailing the toy around and ended up knocking himself in the head with it.... fairly hard I might add. He started crying and said "Daddy! Po hit me!" and proceeded to throw Po across the room.

We think he actually thought Po hit him...

Milo's Big Race

2010-04-11T19:32:00.002-06:00

On Saturday morning Milo took part in the Jr. Dillo 1/2 Mile Run that was part of the Capital 10K weekend festivities. Mommy had a job fair to attend so we brought her stunt double Auntie Barbara.

The race was a fun run... and parents were encouraged to run along with their kids. I asked Milo if he wanted me to run with him and he said yes.

So when we hit the starting line we took off and hand-in-hand ran the entire 1/2 course. With about 100 yards left Milo said "Dad, can you carry me?" I said "Milo, the finish line is right there... you can do it... let's finish strong."

So we crossed the finish line in 5:47 and hugged and high-fived. It was awesome!

(Cue teary eyes)

After we got home Milo came up to me and said "I love you Dad... thanks for helping me win!"

Irony is...

2010-04-08T22:02:00.003-06:00

The following conversation took place at 7:45am on Thursday morning on the way to school...

Joey: Daddy!
Daddy: What Joey?
Joey: Daddy!
Daddy: What Joey?
Joey: Dad! Daddy!
Daddy: What?
Joey: Daddy! Daddy!
Daddy: What???
Joey: Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!
Daddy: WHAT???
Joey: Daddy! Milo told me to be quiet!

The following program contains...

2010-03-30T17:51:00.004-06:00

Milo has been waking up extra early and wanting to watch cartoons. Frankly, I don't mind because it gives us some time to chat while I'm getting ready for my run.

This morning he woke me up at 4:30am and asked if he could watch the Cartoon Network channel. Sure it was early, but no biggie... I could hear that he had already managed to turn the TV on by himself.

Much to my surprise the program that was airing was one of the infomercials for Girls Gone Wild.

Being the responsible parent I am I quickly changed the channel to cartoons and went back to bed.... and pretty much put the whole ordeal behind me.

HOWEVER... tonight during dinner Milo announced "Dad, this morning I was watching Girls Gone Wild and they were NAKED!"

I guess it left a little more of an impression than I had estimated!

The Birds and the Reams

2010-03-21T22:02:00.002-06:00

Milo joined me in a day of work at the office today. Just as I told him it was time to pick up his Legos he said "Oh! I forgot to color!"

He ran over to the copier and said "Dad, I need some paper. This is the machine that makes paper!"

I asked "You think that's where paper comes from?"

He said "Yeah, it makes paper... with letters on it!"