Quote of the Day from Joey

 "Everybody said I pooped in my pants but I said I didn't and I wasn't lying this time."

It is always best to tell the truth now, isn't it....

Life Lessons

When my boys understand why I make them eat fudgesicles in the bathtub, then I will know I have raised them to be responsible adults.

Born to Rock

The other day Joey said "Everybody thinks I'm famous because everybody knows my name." 

Sweet child of mine, you are now ready to begin your rock star training.

"We're The Best Fraternity and All the Others Suck!"

Poor Joey got up to go potty tonight and had a bit of a mishap... something that Daddy hasn't witnessed since his junior year in college.   The old fraternity pastime of 'walking around half out of it and peeing in the trashcan.' 

Fortunately, it wasn't alcohol-induced like the more authentic moments at the house.  In Joey's defense - #1 He was operating in near darkness due to his failure to turn on the bathroom light.  #2 Our bathroom trashcan is white just like our commode.  It also had recently been emptied and the liner had not yet been replaced.  

Still, it brought back a few memories.... and the realization that he'll be having those same crazy college experiences before I'm ready for it (although I hope it's as few as absolutely necessary.)  

In an odd way... I'm just glad I got to be there for the first one.

Milo Bourdain...

"I don't like corndog skin but I like the meat inside"

Math for Dummies

This photo was taken in Milo's classroom. I think I've figured out why he's struggling in Math...

Joey the Stool Pigeon

This year's holiday trip included a visit to daddy's friend Greg who is in Lansing Correction Facility. I've tried to use the whole situation to explain to the boys the concept of prison and right and wrong, etc. While the boys don't actually come with us, I remind them that our friends are always our friends regardless of their current circumstances in life.

On our way back home... just after midnight on New Year's Eve... I got pulled over in some small stoplight-free town in Southern Oklahoma.

When the officer approached the car Joey yelled from the backseat "Hey Dad! Hey Dad! Tell that police officer man about your friend who's in jail!! Dad! Tell that police officer about your friend who's in jail!!"

"Twas the Morning Before Christmas... "

not a creature was stirring....

Not Sure He Gets the Point...

Here's a picture of Milo and Joey playing the childhood classic "Rock, Paper, Scissors."

Joey said "Milo, let's keep playing... but this time you have to be 'Rock.'"

Joey and the Dry Erase Board

I got an e-mail from Irene titled "What joey wrote on my board this morning."

I took a deep breath... sipped some coffee... and was pleasantly surprised to see this -

Go to Bed, Joey

After several failed attempts at bedtime, I learned that a simple verbal instruction wasn't going to work.

Milo Gets Older, They Stay the Same Age...

Today Irene was driving home from school with the boys. As they drove by Anderson High School Milo said "Hey, check out those cute high school girls in those short shorts!"

Irene asked him "Where did you learn that?"

Personally I don't know why she bothered asking that...

"Kids Yell the Darndest Things at Total Strangers Across the Street"

Milo, Joey and I walked home from the Sock Hop at Hill Elementary this evening. Don't panic, it was only a few blocks.

It's not uncommon for us to pretend zombies are chasing us to kill the time as we walk anywhere. Tonight was no exception. You probably won't find this written in any parenting manual, so don't bother looking.

About a block from our house was saw a woman walking on the other side of the street.

Breaking character... Joey shouted "Hey normal lady.... my brother thinks you're a zombie!"

Um.... yeah.... (click to enlarge)

Armed & Dangerous

The other day one of the gentlemen who serves on our HOA board stopped the boys and I as we were heading up the stairs. He said that his neighbors were moving out and had an assortment of items placed outside with a sign that said "Free." He added that there were a couple of Nerf swords available and he thought that the boys might want them.

As those words left his mouth he caught himself in what I describe as a 'self-registering PC assertion.' He paused and emphasized "That is... if you don't object to them playing with toy weapons." In doing so, he also realized that he had just baited two brothers with an opportunity to acquire "toys" that are designed explicitly for whacking the crap out of your sibling(s)... at no cost or obligation.

The boys did an about-face and ran down the stairs yelling "Toy Weapons!!! Toy Weapons!!!" The sorrowful look on his face as he realized what he had just unleashed was priceless.

So we picked up the swords and a couple of other things and headed back home.

Milo drew this little picture commemorating the first time Daddy got hit in the groin.

"A Beautiful Mind?"

On the way to Joey's Kindergarten play date Milo gave him some advice on how to behave in class.

"Joey, you have to wait your turn to talk and you can't interrupt people."

Joey responded with "Milo, I don't want LONG words in my ears. I only want SHORT words!"

I think this might be a very long year.

Like Cosby Like Son

So earlier this week when I picked up Milo at daycare I noticed a banner in the classroom that had all the kids' handprints in paint on it. All of them except for Milo's.

I asked Milo where his was and he said that he 'didn't feel like doing it.' We've had a few issues with group participation in the past and as a dad it's tough to find balance on how to address them.

I think one of the most enduring moments in TV history took place in the pilot episode of The Cosby Show when Theo and his dad were talking about his poor report card and the parents' expectations for his schoolwork. When young Theo asked 'I wouldn't love you any less if you weren't a doctor.... Maybe you can just accept me and love me for who I am anyway.' and Dr Huxtable responded with "Theo that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard! No wonder you get D's in everything!"

So... once again I tried to put my own spin on something and ended up with a lesson for both Milo and I.

I said to Milo, "You know.. there will always be things in school that your teacher asks you to do that you might not want to do. It's important that you do them anyway... because do you know what happens if you don't do what your teacher tells you to do? You'll be a dumbass!"

Thankfully, Milo agreed that he didn't want to be a dumbass.

I tried to drive the point home further by saying "What if I didn't feel like being a dad anymore? And didn't feel like making sure you had food and clothes and toys and a home. What would happen then?"

Milo's response.... "You'd be dumbass?"

While we still have to work on consequences... at least he was paying attention.

Phun with Photo Booth

Well, at least this explained all the ruckus I heard by the computer...

Now He Tells Me....

So the other night while we were waiting for The Muppet Movie to start at the drive-in Milo made the following statement:

"Dad, if you hadn't married Mom you could have married that hot chick..."

I do love Irene a lot... especially her sense of humor and forgiveness.

Awful Falafel

So the other night we prepared pizza for the boys while Irene and I enjoyed some falafel. We've learned the hard way that it's best to have a backup dinner for them when trying anything non-traditional.

Milo was intriqued by the falafel. We told him it looked like a meatball but it was green on the inside.

He was brave enough for one bite... but the immediate reaction on his face was priceless. His only response was "Yeah, don't do that again!" while spitting the one bite into the sink.

I do have to give him props for at least trying something new. That may be our new rule... if you try it and don't like it, you can make all derrogatory comments about it that you want. Deal?